"Hitler vas a bit of a bitch"

"Brüno" stellte sich, im charakteristischen Fashion-Sprech, einem E-Mail-Interview

Dominik Kamalzadeh antwortete er auf Fragen zu seinen österreichischen Wurzeln, politischen Ambitionen und zur Sommermode.

Standard: Wie schwierig war es für Sie, in einem katholischen Land wie Österreich aufzuwachsen - mit einer Kirche, die Homosexualität als Sünde betrachtet beziehungsweise für heilbar hält?

Brüno: Ich find ze church's position on homosexuality confusing. Ein straight bishop is about as regular a phenomenon as ze use of ze phrase "Slow down, ich hardly know you" by Paris Hilton. Seriously, after ze club Manmuscle, ze best place to pick up guys in Vienna is ze café opposite ze seminary. To say homosexuality is a sin implies it should be punished. But homosexuals are punished enough by having to hear scheise music like Nickelback on ze radio und having to see films at ze cinema starring über-straight guys, like Tom Cruise. If anyone needs healing it's straights! Straightness is like ein plague zhat means you gain weight, wear shapeless clothes und let your body hair grow wild like ein wookie.

Standard: Ist es eigentlich wahr, dass Ihr Vater in Mozarts "Zauberflöte" einst den Part des Papageno bei den Salzburger Festspielen gespielt hat?

Brüno: Nein, but mein father was very talented, as are all of mein family. He was one of the most celebrated cockoo clock beak makers (Kuckucksuhrenschnäbelmacher) in the whole of Schlesswigholstein. My brother, Durgel, is also really talented - he runs ze biggest laminating company in Klagenfurt. He's amazing - he can laminate anything! He's ze Johnny Depp of laminating!

Standard: Sie wurden in Klagenfurt geboren - haben Sie je Jörg Haider gefragt, was "in" oder "aus" ist?

Brüno: Ich never met Jörg Haider. As it turns out he vas "in" und not "aus". It is very difficult for politicians to be open about zheir sexuality, look at Obama! Ich had such high hopes for him at first. Vhen he kept banging on about "Change - yes ve can!", like everyone else, ich thought he vas going on about his sexuality und vould have come over to Brüno's side by now. Ich suggest Barack, zhat you change ze record - put on Just Dance by Lady Gaga, rip off your shirt und give us all a glimpse of vhat we voted for! I am hoping zhat he vill soon declare war on Iran, so that he has to visit troops in the desert und break out the beachwear.

Standard: Gibt es auch in Österreich einen Politiker, dem Sie sich nahe fühlen? Was würden Sie in diesem musikalischen Land ändern, wenn Sie Bundeskanzler wären?

Brüno: Ich do not like to talk about politics. Ze last time an Austrian got involved in politics it resulted in ein horrific var, which resulted in ze cancellation of all major European fashion shows for six years. Ich know it's controversial - but in my opinion - Hitler vas a bit of a bitch. I know someone who vas ze grandson of his personal assistant - apparently behind ze scenes he vas a real tyrant. Vorse zan Elton! If ich vas chancellor ich vould pass some great new laws on day one - tax breaks for people who own more zhan fifty hats, national "anything goes" dress day, und ze New Year's Concert in Vienna to feature only mid-nineties techno. For me ze big political issues cut across party lines - for example, how cute are ze Jonas Brothers, vhere next for ze sash und how it is cooler to have herpes at your party zhan Paris Hilton (although ze two are often connected!).

Standard: In Österreich ist es für Homosexuelle gesetzlich nicht möglich, eine Ehe einzugehen. Wie würden Sie Politiker dazu bringen, diese Angelegenheit zu ändern?

Brüno: It is disgusting zhat gay people don't have the same rights - the right to be trapped in a loveless sex-free marriage that ends in a massive legal fight over a house. Ich vould say to ze politicians - you all like moaning to your friends about your wives. Vell if you legalise gay marriage zheir will be even more men to bitch vith about how your other halves don't understand you!

Standard: Welches Outfit schlagen Sie für diesen unbeständigen Sommer vor?

Brüno: I don't really pay much attention to clothes - I find it superficial - but as you've asked, off the top of my head ich vould probably wear a yellow Adrienne Landau printed chinchilla rex rabbit newsboy hat, worn mit eine Cynthia Steffe blue violet velvet cadet jacket over a Cavalli back belted chunky oatmeal sweater vest on top of a Cacharel gala shirt in silver, matched mit John Varvatos stretch twill brocade sailor pants over Stella McCartney patent snakeskin monk shoes offset by Costume National elbow length leather gloves und to accessorize, a rudrashka bead 22 carat white gold Neil Lane Infinity Pendant. Simple. Timeless. Classic. By the way, I think you have a nerve asking me to give fashion tips for free - it is mein job! Vould you ask Britney ze best vay to mime? Or Nelson Mandela vhat games to play in solitary confinement? (DER STANDARD, Print-Ausgabe, 9.7.2009)